Simple Truths - We Hope You Enjoyed the movie!

Simple Truths - We Hope You Enjoyed the movie!

Marriage – A Spiritual Union

Marriage….

A communion between two people to create life and deepen love…

A social institution…

A beautiful and spiritual union…

Why was Meera so completely consumed by her love for Lord Krishna even though she was married to someone else?

What would you call a divine relationship that Lord Krishna shared with Radha ?

“There is definitely some divine connection, or else why is it that amongst so many people in the whole world you feel a strong connect with just that one special person. A man-woman union can transcend lifetime…” asks Kaamini Khanna, founder of the new age concept, ‘Beauty with Astrology’, pointedly.

The “Janam Janam Ka Saath” is explained with a story from the puranas by Vijay Manuskhani, a Hindu Pandit and astrologer. King Daksha Prajaapati had a daughter, Sati who married Lord Shiva against her father’s wishes.

One day King Daksha held a yagna and invited all of the gods and goddesses except his son in law Lord Shiva. Sati insisted on attending the yagna against Lord Shiva's wishes. But at the yagna Sati was insulted by her father. Unable to bear this insult, Sati immolated herself.

Enraged Shiva destroyed Daksha's puja, cut off Daksha's head and when pleaded by other gods, replaced it with that of a goat and restored life to him. However, he picked up the remains of Sati's body, and performed the Dance of Destruction throughout the Universe. The other gods wanted to stop this dance, hence Vishnu cut through Sati’s corpse with his chakra. Various spots where her body parts fell formed the sites of what are known as Shakti Peethas, today.

However, she took re-birth and again won Shiva as her groom and peace was restored. And so what the story reveals to us is that, when a couple is attracted to each other, it is meant to be.

Call it what you may; karmic connection, divine link or relationship of lifetimes, there is no mystery here that there is some cosmic force that keeps bringing such couples together.

Many times, parents disapprove the choice of life partners of their children. In the realm of faith, it is best left to the couple to decide the course of action. When parents break up a couple, they are actually causing an unholy deterrence in the spiritual journey of the two souls.

“Every marriage is a spiritual voyage, creating a celestial union….” Says Kaamini Khanna. In each couple in marriage, resides divinity, both within and between them. Even consummation of marriage is blessed by divine powers. Therefore, a child born out of such a union is also divine.

According to the puranas, Syambhu Manu and Shatrupa, equivalent to Adam and Eve, were the first couple created by Lord Brahma , one of the divine trinity. He commanded them to procreate and expand the world through sexual intercourse, after the initial method of expanding humanity through asceticism or using divine mental powers, failed. Since then, a man, woman relationship is believed to be divine. So that a jungle law does not prevail in the society, such relationships were given a legal sanction, in the form of the concept of the institution called marriage.

Since we are supposedly born out of celestial parents, our spirits respond with joy when we live like celestial people. A marriage built on celestial principles has immense divine powers.

As Joseph Campbell famously said “When people get married thinking that it's a long-time love affair, they'll be divorced very soon, because all love affairs end in disappointment. But marriage is the recognition of a spiritual identity.”

Each religion whether its Christianity, Hinduism or Islam, offers suggestions and guidelines for how spirituality and faith can play an important role in such a union. Our religious beliefs can help support our spiritual commitment to each other.

Islam is a strong advocate of marriage. In fact, unlike Christianity, Islam has no religious strictures that one has to be a celibate for the job, like a priest or a nun. The prophet has also said, "Marriage is my tradition; whosoever keeps away from it is not from amongst us".

According to Christianity, marriage is sacred as it is a sign of Christ’s love for his people. When people marry, they merge their daily life with spirituality which then begins to define the couple. Catholic marriages have a distinctive spirituality that is sacramental and missionary. Spirituality in marriage demonstrates as to how couples revel in Christ, build community and reach out to others in love. It is a powerful way to describe how Catholic couples live out their vocation of married life.

Spirituality of marriage helps couples, shape their attitude towards marriage, in light of faith. They are more patient and understanding towards each other, which in turn helps them to develop strong bonds with each other. This fact becomes very important in the light of increasing divorces taking place today. Today’s couple easily chips away at each other’s dignity with cutting remarks and criticism, crumbling the very foundation upon which their celestial abode must be built. After all as Wayne W. Dyer says “Heaven on Earth is a choice you must make, not a place you must find”

When we begin to build a marriage on divinity and spirituality, we have no choice but to carry the whole load, all the way. That means, we cannot shrug away responsibilities and the in-built challenges that come with it. Spirituality wants a celestial marriage to be evolved enough to let go of worldly desires and attitudes. A worldly attitude is selfish, with the focus on “my” needs.

Marriage then becomes our problem-solving truck aiding us to heal the chasm, driving us at times to be willing to halt and strengthen that bridge for our marriage to get through.

When we do so, our love augments and together we begin to find happiness. We also draw closer to the Lord and come to know of our Savior’s deep concern for our family.

If spirituality is secondary or even lacking as it is in marriages these days, one is definitely heading for turbulent times.

Spirituality in Marriage

We have come to know more clearly what should one expect the most in a marriage—love, laughter, and spirituality.

Stay in love, feel desirable and attracted to one another…

Want to feel youthful and happy? Have more laughter, fun, comforting friendship and family memories.

Radiate hope and optimism. The core of every marriage is through communication where love grows and bonds strengthen.

And have spiritual nourishment, prayer and talk about eternal things together. A key to unlocking healthy fun in marriage is faith—faith in God, in each other, and in the future—faith enough to relax and enjoy the day as it unfolds. Faith to even see some humor in our trials and tribulations. Through love, laughter, and spirituality, the couple can work together, towards exaltation.

Preeti Kopikar

09820007032

Till Infidelity do us Apart...

“till death do us apart…”

“Marriages are made in the heaven and so are lightning and thunder” goes the saying…

More so now than it was ever in the past, it is steadily becoming difficult to stay in a marriage without any glitches. Try as you may, living a contented life becomes extremely challenging in today’s competitive and aspirational society. Needless to say that a marriage takes a beating as it is badgered by the turbulence of daily life.

As an upwardly mobile, metro centric man faces this challenge at his work and social circle every day, he is soon bound to feel the fatigue and give in to the blatant sexuality he is exposed to all around him. While in a marriage, the intricate nuances essential for staying together can easily be burdensome and drive a couple to stray. Tendency to seek “just sex buddies” is growing. Given the absolute unchecked media proliferation and the so called ‘open society’, the time-honored values and commitment are lost in the glare of the tantalizing outfits and the tempting ‘tuk tuk’ of the stilettos.

“ Statistics bears testimony that today more women are exploring ‘freedom’ and having an affair than a male counterpart… ‘’ adds Dr. Dayal Mirchandani. “this is due to liberal attitudes, commercialization , apart from changing dynamics at work viz. long working hours, close contact with male colleagues, official tours etc…”

This hard hitting truth came as a rude shock to Shweta. A housewife, blissfully married for fourteen years, they had celebrated her husband Ashish’s fortieth birthday only a few days earlier, that the devastating confession followed. The marriage vows; “till death do us apart” et al, was all but forgotten. In an instant an extra-marital affair was threatening to tear their world apart. She could not fathom why Ashish would want to rock a peaceful home life for a meaningless affair. She first though that he was facing mid-life crises. However, she was soon to find out that it was much deeper than that.

Fortunately both Shweta and Ashish sought counselor’s help to make their marriage work. Soon, after a small ceremony of forgiveness and acceptance the past was left behind. Needless to say, their marriage actually blossomed thereafter.

“Sometimes the monotony of a family life can slowly sap a marriage off its romance. Moreover, any kind of unfulfilled desires can drive the spouses to seek love elsewhere.” says Dr.Dayal Mirchandani.

It wouldn’t be out of turn to say that some men begin to find the routine of a married life to be dull and unexciting. They begin to crave for some thrill element or that spark of romance which eventually they have lost. The instant gratification of an extramarital escapade relieves them from putting any effort into their long-standing marriage. The freshness of the experience becomes appealing enough for them to take the risk.

Strangely, contrary to the popular belief, Maryse Vaillant, France’s most prominent psychologist in her controversial book “Men, Love, Fidelity” writes that an extra-marital affair is actually a sign of a healthy marriage!! “Most men don't do it because they no longer love them (their wives), on the contrary," she says. "They simply need breathing space.”

But such was not the case with my friend Shirish, who had an affair and walked out of his marriage, to live on his own!! He was a struggling actor while his wife had a successful career. It was easy to see a fragile ego getting bruised when he said “ I feel defeated…with my being almost a house husband”.

When problems concerning finances, health, loneliness and self-esteem arise, infidelity might provide an instant short-term outlet for one or both the spouses. But like every other problem, an affair only worsens a situation.

Marriage itself comes with its own set of demands requiring effort from both partners to make it work. Forming bonds and tuning in with each other is important for a lifetime of stability and security. Unfortunately today, people have forgotten to build closeness, because there are many things which are tempting them not to do so. With both partners working tirelessly to lead a successful “to-die-for” life, they have forgotten to form a loving and caring union with one another.

But then what is marriage if not an act of thoughtfulness and acceptance. “Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes an habit…” Peter Ustinov

A habit which holds true for both, the husband and the wife. When the crucial aspect of thoughtful consideration is missing, marriage begins to fail. Karuna, an otherwise successful professional was a long suffering spouse of a suspecting husband. Frustrated at losing his job, Harshad gave Karuna a hard time. He suspected her of having an affair, which she was not yet he put her thorough a senseless test to prove herself. It needed his friend Ashok’s helping hand to pull her out of the sickening marriage. Once she was on her own, she slowly developed a relationship with Ashok. A shocked Harshad sought help. It helped him realize where he had gone wrong. Today, Harshad is married again and is still in touch with Karuna.

So can anyone have a “happily ever after?”

“Most definitely yes” says Dr Mirchandani

First answer this question honestly “How much do you love your spouse?” “Enough to forgive and forget?” Perfect, its half the battle already won.

Love your spouse daily. Easy at first, difficult thereafter.

Before working on improving the relationship, accept that one of you has slipped up. Accepting one’s mistake is essential for the problem not to arise again. Not accepting one’s mistake only pushes issues under the carpet with a good chance of it occurring again!

Seek help from a marriage counselor at this stage. Use discretion while involving parents. Keep them in the loop, but restrain them from getting involved. Parents get emotional about their children’s future and get blinded by their love for them. In such a situation, sides are taken and the reality is all but forgotten.

Go back to basics….It is but natural that a long-standing marriage, if not kept well tended, could silently collect dust. Therefore, it is important to, every now and then, for the couple to press the “re-start” button. Make an effort to do small special things for each other. Nothing over the top or expensive, just something touching.

Maintain a “You are my Sunshine” diary. Note down at least ten points about each other that you love, what makes you laugh, what makes you both tick. Rush to open it every now and then, especially after you have had a bitter fight! Dwell on each point for at least a minute. The reason for anger will soon vanish ….

Alternatively, every week-end share with each other the issues that would have caused hurt. This is a delicate matter and always advisable to do so in the presence of a counselor. Refuse to be judgmental or form quick opinions.

Viola, Get married again! Invite a few of your friends and close family. Call in a priest to solemnize the relationship once again. A small ceremony of forgiveness and go on your second, third or is it fourth honeymoon? Every once in a while have “Happy Endings”. Such “Happy Endings” idea would work wonders especially in certain cultures and social class that don’t allow divorces.

Share mobiles and also password of your mail id especially when you are trying to overcome an affair. Otherwise how else will you gain trust again?

Underline the word R E S P E C T. Respect each other’s space and lifestyle. You don’t have to love your partner’s family and friends. Just accept them. Conversely, don’t force your choice on your partner. Give each other the freedom with only a minimal amount of expectation. Being sensible is important in any relationship.

True, a wedding is not enough for a marriage to work. One is an occasion; the other a life long journey with its shares of ups and down. So if you have promised to “Love, Honor and Respect thru’ thick and thin…then so be it.”

Spirit of Marriage:

Spirituality in a marriage stems from the couple loving each other and their children. Every married couple who love one another is showing to the world that their marriage is spiritual. The key is to realize this essence of spirituality within your own marriage.

These days, there are many spiritual centers and workshops where spiritual guidance is offered in a very simple and contemporary manner. Fostering spirituality within your marriage helps couple to overcome turbulence in life. It is wisely said that “the family that prays together, stays together”. Family prayer, family meals and such family “togetherness” activities support spiritual commitment.

Daisaku Ikeda, the Buddhist philosopher and the third president of SGI (Soka Gakkai International) very beautifully sums up spirituality in a marriage. He says “…Ideal love is fostered only between two sincere, mature and independent people. It is the inner struggle to polish these attributes that is the key. ... Real love is not two people clinging to each other; it can only be fostered between two strong people secure in their individuality.”

Preeti Kopikar

9820007032

Do Ambitious people sleep less ?

“3 -4 hours of sleep; that does it, for me.” says Shah Rukh Khan…

A close second, Margaret Thatcher, the “Iron Lady of Britain” ruled over her country with as much. On TV, Jay Leno tickles your funny bone with, yes you guessed it right, four hours of snooze, while the “Material Girl” Madonna belts out chartbusters with just 3 – 4 hours of slumber.

Benjamin Franklin, mirrored Thomas Edison’s contempt for longer sleep…saying, “there will be sleeping enough in the grave”. Dozing for a mere 2 – 4 hours every night, he gave us the famous wise quote, “early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise”

While a person would require on an average 6 -7 hours’ sleep, one wonders if ambitious people are programmed to restrict their visit to the slumberland.

“I do not know if there is any conclusive evidence that suggests one or the other but it certainly appears that ambitious people do sleep less. Perhaps we are all influenced by the popular phrases that we learn in school such as 'the early bird gets the worm' or 'burning the midnight oil'!” observes Vikram Raizada, Executive Director Marketing, Retail and Business Development, Tara Jewellers

Adds Suchna Hedge Shah of Away and Beyond…” They are always thinking about 'what next'…I keep thinking of ways to achieve my goals so an over active mind is the prime reason…”

However, some driven and successful entrepreneurs could think otherwise. Aditi Talreja(Director-Deliverychef.in) puts it: “I don’t believe ambitious people sleep less. It is true that they do constantly think about growth and improvement, but rest is essential to all. A good night’s sleep freshens up the mind to face new challenges head on. When I have adequate sleep, I’m able to be objective and give my 100% to my work.”

Melinda Beck, a health columnist with WSJ, explains why for some people getting a full night of sleep is a waste of time. Known as “short sleepers”, they are energetically, effortlessly packing in a lot to do in a day, often multi-tasking and also keep finding more interesting things to do than sleep. The inventor Nikola Tesla was known to get only three hours of shuteye, but often missed even that if engrossed in a project. He wrote of his work: “Such emotions make a man forget food, sleep, friends, love, everything”! Ah well….

Zzzzzz on this:

•Florence Nightingale slept for just four hours…hence the name….

The famous painter Salvador Dalí would often doze off in his chair, holding a spoon above a pan. When he fell asleep, the spoon would drop and the clatter would wake him. These forty winks sustained him for many years.

• While Napoleon Bonaparte, a short sleeper, could sleep at will, Albert Einstein slept ten hours a night, although if he were busy he would take 11. He thought dreams allowed him to think more clearly!!

Insomnia v/s short sleepers

“Insomnia is a condition where one wants to sleep but cannot. An insomniac either can’t get sleep or wakes up early. And the fact that one can’t sleep is bothersome, causing needless worry. They tend to suffer from depression …whereas short sleepers always wake up vibrant and refreshed and it doesn’t disturb the overall quality of their life. “They function well on 4 hours of sleep.” explains Dr.Dayal Mirchandani consulting psychiatrist

Sleep deprivation lowers brain activity and results in poor physical and psychological health and in some cases early death.

But short-sleepers, suffer none of these ill-effects. They are active, energetic and healthy. They barrel through the day without needing to take naps or loads of caffeine. It finally boils down to how well you can function during the day. Oddly enough, people who slept for more than eight hours during the day ran a slightly higher risk of death.

Runs in the Family…Genetic basis….

Scientists have long thought it likely that human sleep patterns are linked to genetics, and a tendency to sleep for longer or shorter periods often runs in families. Several genes have already been identified that prove such sleep patterns affect whether people are likely to be up with the lark or be a night owl.

“My dad was in the defense forces so he certainly kept a tight routine. And the same is true for most of my family so it's probably true in our case.” Says Vikram Raizada, whereas Suchna Hegde Shah’s family is of deep sleepers.

Its 4 a.m…. got an idea….

Michelangelo was convinced that aboriginals and highly creative people rarely slept for more than 4 hours at a time…

“I do wake up with an idea in the middle of the night. But no I don’t have a diary to jot them down, or else I would never go back to bed. I do get a lot of ideas in the quiet hours of the morning when I wake up and that gives me some time to think them through.” reveals Dilip Kapur of Hidesign.

On the other side of the fence, capturing their creative outflow in their balckberry are Vikram Raizada and Suchna Hegde.

Got burnt out?

Vikram Raizada explains “The nature of our current ecosystem is such that it seems impossible to fit all of one’s activities into a single day! Finding an appropriate work, home balance requires one to expand one’s day to the extent possible.”

These days life is such that people naturally get less sleep. An average man watches late night shows on TV, or on Skype’s with his relative or surfs the net. But ambitious people are focused. They don’t fritter away their time and are fresh with a few hours of sleep.

“Have be a clear line between work and leisure. Followed religiously the chances of a burn out are quite reduced…” says Suchna Hegde Shah helpfully.

“Yes I do at times get burnt out,” differs Dilip Kapur of Hidesign “then I like to take walks with my dogs, read a book or simply travel a bit.”

Devote “My Time” to yourself and be passionate about it. Do anything that will help you relax and unwind….

So to conclude….

As Dr.Dayal Mirchandani sums it up perfectly “Human sleep needs differ. Gets sufficient sleep necessary for optimal daytime performance and wellbeing”. True, slumber for 4 hours or doze off some more, as long as your overall health is good and your are able to function well mentally, you are a winner. After all, its more than beauty…

Moksha Raaga

I am going to start a new blog "Moksha Raaga" dedicated only to music and the therapy of melody. I will elucidate how music and more specifically some raagas help in controlling some disorders chronic ailments too.

It is a super therapy, thoroughly enjoyable and completely safe. How great is that.... so please follow, advise, discuss and of course...beat the drums about it...

So let's begin

I completed my six month music therapy course on Thursday after appearing for the written and practical exams. It was a great course. Learned a lot about brain waves, their frequency and how music helps in overcoming an illness or an ailment. Now I am in the process of creating my own page on music on fb and hope to create of community of music lovers. Any one interested ?

Oh that heady feeling - Passion and Resignation

Yesterday i resigned from my job at VDJ Fine Jewelry. I should have done that long time back...it was not a bad job, pretty good on the contrary. For those three months I was there, I closely watched my boss Varuna D Jani at work. I have always admired Varuna from the very moment I began to handle her account when at RpH in 2010. She is rivetting, passionate about her job and sparkles like a diamond every single moment from the time she steps in the office. Today, as i stand on the threshold of another milestone of my life, I take home with me that passion Varuna shows at work which is otherwise very hard to find.

In the same breathe i would like to take two more names. Elisha and Ami Bhansali, both partners of the start-up PR company RpH. Both smart and intelligent, they showed confidence and faith in me where many did not. These two young girls and their team are certainly headed for a bright future.